Peach ....It's funny but here it is almost three years and I still call you Peach whenever I talk about you.... well by now you know that Uncle Ben is with you. Between you and Poppy and Uncle Ben you three must be having a ball. I know that you three and your cousin Carolyn always had a great many laughs together at camp every year!
Baby, you would be so proud of your boys. They have turned out great. And I know that you know that your dream came true and we have OUR TONI with us....next stop in their lives is a baby girl that looks just like you and Toni!
And Fred is really trying.....he'll be okay, and one of these days he'll find the way...just give him a kick in the ass once in a while!
I miss you so very, very much and you are still so deep in my heart that sometimes it is overwhelming.
Well, now you know that Mommy has a laptop computer! But I forgot so much that I have to learn all over again!
I love you with every fiber in my heart.... and I always will .... Opa sends his love and kisses and hopes your neck is relaxed!!!!
All my love and kisses, now and forever, and Opa's, too......Mom
This is the first time I have seen the sight and wow now that I have wiped away the tears I think I can write. Everything I always knew about you shows so much in your messages from the boys. Your boys as you always told me. I miss you so much the whole in my heart is unbearable and has not gotten any better with time but rather I miss you more every day. You were my buddy my best friend and it wasn't suppose to be like this. The emotions over these last few years have been everywhere from extreme grief and sadness to extreme anger. You were always my rock you understood me and i you there will never be anyone to come close to you. Those last 7 months of your life were so courageous, confusing and hoffific all at the same time. And I relive them everyday wondering and rethinking everything we talked about hoping I made the right choices in my heart I know I did what you wanted but I still wonder. My biggest regret is not telling everyone sooner how sick you were even though you made me promise I wouldn't that you trusted me I still wonder. I know deep down the boys must feel some anger about that and that breaks my heart I love them as much as I loved you and I feel the distance and I wonder if that is part of it. For four months I wanted you to tell them every Friday we talked about it and you were adamant that you didn't want them looking at you like that and you didn't want to remember the look on their faces when they got the news. We shared so much those last seven months more than some people share in an entire lifetime of a friendship. Losing you was the hardest thing sometimes I look around and it seems that everything is moving on as normal and i am frozen in time I am having a tough time moving on without you. Everything that happens happy or sad every mile stone I think of you and what you would have thought, The girls miss you so much and talk about you all the time. Mikayla was so young when you died yet she vividly remembers everything about you she will sometimes quote you and still sings the song you and her used to sing at chemo it breaks my heart and makes me happy all at the same time. Just last week a boy was making fun of her on the bus about her diabetes and the first thing she said when she came in was he is lucky Lynne isn't here or she would have went on that bus and kicked his butt. Nicole watches the Ellen show because it reminds her of you and the laughs you used to have watching it after school when she used to get off the bus and go to your house. Courtney just plain misses you and that is what she says she still thinks you are going to run down that hill to pop in. We all think of you when we step on our front porch and all the hours we logged there watching the kids and discussing the neighborhood and construction lol. Talking about when we were going to add the rocking chairs to that stoop to watch our grandkids I am mad as hell that we aren't going to have that chance. The good part is I start my day and end my day there a place that holds the most memories the place I feel the closest to you I can still see you sitting there. Your legacy lives on is so many people you gave so much when you were here and never asked for anything in return from anyone. There is so much more I want to say but right now I can't even see the screen from the tears. This music is very sad.
Finally, I've had the courage to be here once again. Lynne Marie, I don't know what to do anymore, as each passing day merely seems like an enernity without you.
I still see you every where I look, and when I close my eyes you are there too. My heart? it breaks, my tears? still flow, and the memories are a continued reminder that you are not that far away.
I've been told that you are with me when I need you the most, then why cannot I see you? I pray the day I get to see that beautiful smile, and hear that belly laugh, but most of all the words of wisdom that came when I knew I was in the wrong.
Christmas just isn't the same without you, and yet each year it comes, another day to reflect, wonder, ask why, and cry for our own sorrows. You knew me better then I knew myself, and I you, so why did you leave when I needed you the most.
I know your now one of Gods angles, yet that still does not subside the greatest loss our hearts have ever felt, the day you departed us.
I will see you again one day, so for now may God bless you and keep you safe.
I love you kid,
your Brother
PS: don't worry, I got what you were telling me all this time.
Well, another Dec. 25 comes and goes, and nothing feels normal yet. I miss you so much and wish with all my heart that you were here with us. I hope you like what i did with the picture that your hubby gave me. In time we will see each other again,that will be a happy day for me. Because, i know you will be there waiting for me. You were there once, but, i know, it was not time for me or Nonnie. I hope you are dancing with the angles today and everyday. Merry Christmas, I love you.
ME
