Mom there were so many things that we were still supposed to do together until god called upon u to leave this world and become an angel to help all those in need just like u used to do when u were here. I know deep down that u will always be there to help me make decisions or what directions i should take down this path called life. Although i cry everyday and still dont know how i am gonna survive the rest of my life without my bestfriend i also realize that i still have my 2 beautiful little brothers that u and dad gave me to look after and try to be a rolemodel for and i know u would be proud of me because i am trying my hardest i promise.
I get married in 3 months to the woman that u loved so dearly and i know that u saw me ask her to marry me even though u were in heaven u were probably standing right next to me giving me the courage to do it because u know i was one nervous S.O.B. There are just to many memories to right down but u know what they are also there is so much stuff that i wanted to do with u when u were here that i feel guilty about, because as always i was a procrastinator. I have done alot of things that i regret in my life that hurt u but u always forgave me and that is what made u a goddess in my eyes. I still wont acccept the fact that u are gone and probably never will and I know i will never know why but i live my life knowing that i will see u again up at that pearly gate in the sky and u will be waiting there with open arms. One of these days mom i will start to deal with the fact that u are gone for some reason i cant i am just waiting for u to call me and say" Hey brat what are u doing" and i would reply" oh nothing u old lady" and u would say" old lady huh i earned all those gray hairs by raising u" that was a typicall start of a conversation. I just miss giving u a hug or just hearing your voice. We grew up together but as young as u were when u had me u were the best mother anybody could ask for and i want to thank u from the bottom of my heart.
Well i am gonna end this by saying i love u miss u more than any words can explain and i promise i will live my life without fear of failure and just love to live and help people like u mom! Until we meet again take care of yourself and i will keep the boys and dad above water I love u
Love your baby
Ryan James
We have shared our thoughts, our fears, our memories, our tears, and even our dreams, but the one thing we could not seem to accomplish was our lives as old nagging siblings. I cannot seem to pass beyond each day with out a dream or thought of the many things we have experienced through our lives, yet through it all I know it was you that made my dreams come true.
From being the hero that saved Lasie from a "Burning shed," to watching Jimmy and I stand side by side as we "pee pee" on a Chipmunks head: and how could I forget taking you on that slow ride inside our old time "hand cranked" cement mixer. It was just in time for us to watch mom drive slowly down that long dusty drive to our "Big Farm" house with our sister Sandi in the back because she was returning from a trip to the emergency room from a recent asthma attack. I guess she never thought you would be her next trip to the emergency room, because your hand just could not stay out of the gears of the mixer.
We would sit outside in the warm New York summer, just outside our dining room window and under that old oak tree for hours, and chatter of the things we have done and where we planned to go next. It always seemed to amaze us of the things we had seen and accomplished, and our eyes would become as big as sand dollars when we spoke of the times we spent at Racquet Lake and riding in Pops boat.
And as we had gotten older and you decided it was time to have a baby, how you would laugh when you would chase me around our house and catch me in "that corner," just to put your stomach against me so I could feel the baby move: even though you knew just the feel of your stomach, at the time, would make me quiver with cold chills.
When Ricky and Pat took us out to a packed Romano's pizzeria, we would sit for hours playing the table version of "space invaders," even though your stomach would barely allow you close enough to see what you were doing. We would look at each other and laugh and laugh just watching them sit at this red cloth covered round table like "bumps" on a log watching us.
Then the day came when "he (Ryan)," our baby as I would tell everyone, was born: I thought he was the most beautiful baby in the world. I could pick him out over what seemed a hundred babies in the nursery, because he had shinned from the beauty of his mother like no other baby could.
I can sit at this table, in my kitchen, and type for hours on this laptop and write of the many adventures we had, yet something inside me says you have gotten what I have been trying to say. Words alone will never express the true anguish I have felt after 37 years as I watched our beloved brother Jimmy pass away, and then just a year ago the day came when once again I had to watch you pass from us.
I should feel as if I were given a gift to have been present when you both were called by God to come home, but he has given us the ability to feel emotion and pain and for that I cannot seem to let go. I do have yet a calming feeling inside that says that you, Jimmy, Non, and Pop are together once again.
I can see you all meandering down that narrow wooded path that leads to the docks at Racquet Lake, and wished I were able to join you but I know for now this is your private party.
Lynne Marie, I will never forget our quiet times spent together, our shared memories of our past, or your next words of advice just because I knew not which direction to go. You have made me what I am today, a proud husband, father, friend, and mentor to my two beautiful sisters.
I could never take your place in our family, yet I merely pray that the advice, knowledge, love, and respect you have given me are passed on in the same way it was received.
I love you, and miss you more then anyone will ever know.
Love Your Baby Brother
